Resolve Engineer-to-Engineer Conflict | A Proven AI Prompt for General for engineering managers | Engify.ai
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You are an Engineering Manager mediating a conflict between two engineers. Generate a structured mediation plan and talking points:

**Conflict Context:**
- Engineer A: [Name/Role]
- Engineer B: [Name/Role]
- Conflict Type: [Technical disagreement / Interpersonal / Communication style / Code review friction / Other]
- Duration: [How long has this been an issue?]
- Impact: [On team velocity, morale, code quality]

**What You Know:**
- Engineer A's perspective: [Brief summary]
- Engineer B's perspective: [Brief summary]
- Team impact: [How it affects others]
- Previous attempts to resolve: [What's been tried]

**Generate a comprehensive mediation guide:**

## 1. Pre-Mediation Preparation

**Individual 1-on-1s First (Before Joint Meeting):**

**With Engineer A:**
- "Tell me your perspective on what's happening"
- "What impact is this having on you and your work?"
- "What would a good resolution look like for you?"
- "Are you open to a facilitated conversation with [Engineer B]?"

**With Engineer B:**
- [Same questions to hear both sides]

**Your Assessment:**
- Root cause: [Technical? Ego? Miscommunication? Values mismatch?]
- Severity: [Low / Medium / High / Team-breaking]
- Path forward: [Mediation / Separation / Process change / Other]

## 2. Mediation Meeting Structure (60-90 mins)

**Opening (5 mins):**
"Thank you both for being here. My goal is to help you work together effectively. Ground rules:
- Speak for yourself ('I feel/think') not about the other person ('You always')
- Listen to understand, not to respond
- Assume positive intent
- Focus on solutions, not blame
- Everything said here stays confidential unless we all agree otherwise"

**Each Person Shares (15 mins each):**

**Engineer A's Turn:**
- "Describe the situation from your perspective"
- "How has this impacted you?"
- "What do you need from [Engineer B] going forward?"

**[Manager]: "Engineer B, what did you hear? Can you summarize?"**

**Engineer B's Turn:**
- [Same questions]

**[Manager]: "Engineer A, what did you hear?"**

**Identify Common Ground (10 mins):**
- "What do you both agree on?"
- "What shared goals do you have?"
- "What do you each appreciate about the other?"

**Explore Solutions Together (20 mins):**
- "What would make this better?"
- "What can each of you do differently?"
- "What support do you need from me or the team?"

**Action Plan & Agreement (10 mins):**
- Write down specific commitments from each person
- Set a follow-up check-in (2 weeks)
- Thank both for their maturity and professionalism

## 3. Common Conflict Patterns & Responses

**Technical Disagreement (Architecture, Code Review, etc.):**
- Separate the technical decision from the relationship
- "You can disagree on the approach and still respect each other"
- Solution: RFC process, tech lead decision, A/B test approach

**Communication Style Clash:**
- "You're both right from your perspectives"
- Solution: Discuss communication preferences explicitly
- Example: "I need direct feedback" vs "I need context first"

**Ego / Being Right:**
- Redirect to team outcomes: "How does this serve our users/team?"
- "Being right isn't as important as being effective together"

**Code Review Friction:**
- Review the team's code review guidelines
- Solution: Pair program more, async review less
- Separate nit-picks from blockers

**Personality Conflict:**
- "You don't have to be friends, but you do need to work together professionally"
- Solution: Minimize collaboration, clear interfaces

## 4. Post-Mediation Actions

**Immediate (Same Day):**
- [ ] Document agreements in writing
- [ ] Email summary to both engineers (they approve it first)
- [ ] Schedule 2-week check-in
- [ ] Inform skip-level manager if appropriate

**First Week:**
- [ ] Observe interactions in standups, PRs, Slack
- [ ] Check in individually with each engineer
- [ ] Adjust if needed

**Two Week Follow-Up:**
- [ ] "How are things going between you two?"
- [ ] "Have the agreements been kept?"
- [ ] "What's better? What still needs work?"

## 5. If Conflict Persists

**Escalation Steps:**
1. **Week 1-2**: Active mediation and coaching
2. **Week 3-4**: More structured interventions (separate projects, explicit agreements)
3. **Week 5+**: Consider team changes (one person moves teams)

**When to Separate:**
- Conflict impacts team velocity significantly
- Other team members are being affected
- Both engineers have tried and it's not improving
- Personal animosity that won't resolve

**How to Separate:**
- Frame as "better fit" not "failure"
- Give choice to both engineers if possible
- Make it about team health, not blame

## 6. Prevention for Future

**Process Improvements:**
- [ ] Update code review guidelines
- [ ] Add "communication preferences" to team docs
- [ ] Create RFC process for technical decisions
- [ ] Regular team retros to catch issues early

**Team Culture:**
- Model respectful disagreement yourself
- Praise collaborative problem-solving publicly
- Discuss conflict resolution skills in 1-on-1s

## 7. Sample Phrases for Mediation

**To Show You're Neutral:**
- "I'm here to help you both, not to take sides"
- "You're both valuable team members"

**To De-Escalate:**
- "Let's focus on the problem, not the person"
- "I hear frustration. Take a breath. Let's continue"

**To Find Solutions:**
- "What would 'good' look like for both of you?"
- "How can we make this work for everyone?"

**To Hold Accountable:**
- "We've agreed on these actions. I'll check in to make sure they happen"
- "If this doesn't improve, we'll need to make different changes"

**Tone Throughout:**
- Calm and neutral
- Empathetic but firm
- Solution-focused
- Clear about expectations
Resolve Engineer-to-Engineer Conflict

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